There are times when I just feel so exhausted and I think to myself, how will I reach my goals? How can I keep up stamina and keep things going – job, love life, business, career, fitness, etc? During these times, it can be really easy to beat myself up and feel like a complete loser. Turn on the TV or YouTube channel and it seems like there is someone smarter, thinner, faster, and better at cooking. Over time though, I’ve learned a lot about resilience.
Lately, there has been a lot of talk about the need for “grit” i.e. the ability to keep things moving and to keep plugging away even when things are difficult. It’s not fun or easy to live like that all of the time though. Despite what Chumbawamba might say, I’m not always singing “I get knocked down, but I get up again.” Besides, that song was really just about getting drunk off you’re a** anyways (something I just realized in my 30s).
So, today I am going to talk about how I shorten the time from when I feel crappy to the point where I can get back up and running on the road to success. My theory is that a lot of success comes down to shortening the turnaround time from when you’re feeling out of the game to getting back into the game and telling life/fate/whomever that you absolutely refuse to back down. I find it super annoying when I read business advice that tells you how foolish it is to ruminate….um, sorry, it feels bad and I want to sulk a bit. So, let’s lay it out in a few short points and then get to what matters. You already know that getting by getting down in the dumps you…
1 – Waste energy that you need to be a success
2 – Spend too much time thinking about problems rather than solutions
3 – Take your mindset in the wrong direction
Frankly though, you know all of the points above already.
How to move forward
Ok, now let’s boil it down and get to the point where you’re back on your feet, taking charge and winning. I’ve been there, massive breakup with the love of my life, death of a parent, a messy divorce. It sucks! Did I miss opportunities because of these life situations? Of course. I would be lying if I said I didn’t. At some point you have to accept that you need a bit of time to feel sad. I think it also helps to remember that you are going to heal over time when it comes to the death of a family member. My mom passed away over a decade ago but I still find myself sad at points. When it comes to romantic relationships, I learned a great lesson during one of my “divorce classes” i.e. a support group. They highlighted that time won’t heal your wounds only your attitude will heal your wounds. If 10 years goes by but you choose to hang on to bitterness and anger, you’re no better off. That being said, it will definitely take some time for your feelings and attitude to change.
Seeking resilience faster
Here are my thoughts on how to ramp things back up.
Set a time limit: Your feelings won’t go away immediately and maybe you’ll always be a bit sad. Give yourself a deadline for doing nothing but sulking. When I knew my marriage was breaking up, I gave myself a week of TV, sweatpants, crying, no working out, etc. and then I decided to get back into life. Sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it.
Take time for yourself: Whether you want to admit it or not, you’re probably in a bit of shock. It’s ok to cancel things for a while. People will understand that you have issues that need to be taken care of. Paperwork, finding a lawyer, sharing bad news. This may even include taking time off of work and the aforementioned sweatpants.
Take care of yourself: After my split, I lost a lot of weight. Well, first I wasted a ton of food as I was used to shopping for two. It didn’t happen right away but I was able to get back on track and working out made me feel better.
If someone offers to help you, take it: I know you don’t want to be a burden but it’s better to let people in. You will build a stronger relationship with them and they will know that you will be there for them too if times get tough. Consider it a bonding experience. See if they can call you every few days to check in, plan a hike or dinner at some point in the future.
Come up with a plan: You won’t feel better right away but by having a plan and putting a few fun events in the diary, you can get back on track and stay away from activities that are going to take you into a downward spiral i.e. drinking too much, sleeping with someone you shouldn’t or letting your health go.